Amja Art Explained – A Heart To Hold (Self Love)
What is the Art of Self Love? and what strategies’ and tools have you learnt along the way?
Hey, there you’re Phenomenal,
My name is Michelle Alexander I am the Founder and Managing director of AKA Life Coaching: Transformational life Coaching, Family support and Early intervention service for women. I am pleased to announce that this Month’s October / November Blog is featuring Amja of AJ Amja Unabashedly. I have been lucky enough to have connected with Amja on social media over the past year. Throughout this time, we continued to like each other’s content until one-day Amja direct messaged me a voice note. I instantly felt an overwhelming sense that i had met Amja before as her healing energy can be felt every time she talks.
Amja is a Mother, Survivor of domestic abuse, Motivational speaker and contemporary Artist. When you view Amjas social media pages Amja seems to be the epitome of polarities passionate, yet centred, strong yet shows her vulnerability. Amja is someone that ooze’s positivity but is honest enough to admit she has systems in place such as yoga, mediation, podcasts, healthy eat practices, books and podcasts etc which has helped her with her own wounds. I was not surprised when I asked Amja for 10 helpful tips and got back with 11 lool she practises what she preaches. Although she has had a personal mountain to climb, she continues to fight for social justice and has a profound understanding of the current societal issues. So today in this article we are honouring Amja and her amazing work and her achievements, as she continues to rise as an artist and an advocate. I was lucky enough to have visited Zari Gallery exhibition in London where Amja is showcasing her art as part of the black history month exhibition. I would like you to join me in wishing Amjas well in all her future and present endeavours as she continues to rise.
“Self-Love Is The Precursor to Your Greatest Love” a personal quote and is how people set the precedence for how they should be treated personally and professionally or in other words is the bases for setting healthy boundaries.- Amja Unabashedly
Tell us a little bit about yourself?
I am Amja: Mother, Creator, Lover of Life, Artist, Motivational Speaker, and anything else the creative mind decides to be. I consider myself to be “every woman” from the afro fabulous Sister doing her part for racial equity or the corporate Sister empowering her team and colleagues to be their best self, to the Sister in a colourful AU sweatshirt, loose-fitting jeans and trainers cracking jokes with friends while pulling silly faces, to the fashion-savvy Sister strutting her stuff at a live gig, to the Sister who likes to be snuggled watching a favourite movie in bed. I use art and fashion to Inspire and Empower so that people impacted by domestic abuse, other trauma and ill mental health can reclaim their freedom in order to take the steps toward their version of their best life.
What are your dreams and aspirations?
To use love, and creative expression to advocate for change, and provide art, lifestyle products and training with empowering messages so that people impacted by domestic abuse and other trauma can feel loved and empowered to move from simply surviving to inspired growth that enables them to thrive endlessly.
What does a typical day look like for you and what ritual’s do you have in place to enable you to continue to be inspired creatively?
When I wake up in the morning I first give thanks to the Universe for seeing another day and do a rampage or gratitude for all that I have, and then “Kiss The Universe and Tell Her Thank You For The Gifts Yet To Come”. I then take my blood pressure and record the reading. I make myself a hot lemon and water then do Yoga for about 30 mins and do a guided meditation for another 10-15 mins and then journal with words and/or sketch. Much of my journaling is the inspiration to my art.
I then plan my day using a version of the Stephen Covey productivity matrix while seated at my creative station where I am surrounded by my Alter Altar© which has items that are special to me and is also the place that I give homage to my ancestors for me being here. I also have my vision boards around me which give me inspiration and remind me of my vision and dreams which is really helpful for those days when I don’t feel motivated and want to spend the whole day in bed eating Candy Kitten sweats and Kettle Crisps. I write down an affirmation and also highlight people that I need to connect with for the day and how to do this from a place of high vibe intention and with a hope that the exchange is pleasant for all parties involved. Most times my prompt will be Breathe In. Breathe Out and repeat which is what I say to myself often in a day.
I plan up to 3 goals that I need to do as a priority and breakdown them down into smaller actions that are needed to deliver those priorities. With every business-oriented action, I take a break after about 50 mins for 10 mins that fires up my creativity, this could range for sketching, to listening to music, dancing or all 3 at the same time. I also like to send at least one person in my contacts a message of kindness just because I can.
I take a shower listening to my morning playlist which is a combination of Kim Burrell, Jill Scott, Anderson Paak, Pharrell and The Internet. I also use the playlist as a timer, so I should be finished getting ready by the last song.
I plan time in my day to create from poetry writing to sketching art ideas or creating the art. I try to eat by 6 pm and spend the rest of the evening doing whatever comes to mind or whatever has been planned.
What has having a child/ren taught you about yourself, people, family, and society?
As a mother of 4 children I learnt how resilient and capable I am. From my experience, as a mother, I took for granted all the things I was doing, but when I look back I wore all hats from teacher, medical professional, broken heart specialist to negotiator and stylist; hair, beauty and fashion to soccer mum… Watching my children grow has made me realise how unique humans are in their thoughts, belief and desires even if they come from the same genetic pool, are raised in the same household, come for the same demographic and socialised in the same environments. . It showed me the importance of allowing people to be free to be themselves.
In the early stages of my parenting, I had this preconceived notion of how my children should be educated so did home-schooling in addition to the national curriculum, I also had them in many different extra-curricular activities and private lesson for math in particular because that is definitely an area of improvement for me. I had a very heavy focus on academia. Despite being immensely proud of my children’s academic accomplishments I now realise that not everybody is scholastically inclined, yet everyone has the potential to be a genius.
Parenting also helps me today when engaging with people and the importance of active listening and empathy. That everybody has a story to tell and the importance of patience. That everyone’s love language is different, so, for example, one of my children likes gifts whereas another likes to spend just “us” time, the other like my undivided attention when they are talking to me and the other doesn’t say much but likes to be near me.
If you could change anything about the way you were raised what would it be?
I don’t have regrets because I believe that the experiences we go through are for us to learn and grow, but if I had to change anything it would be to be taught that it was okay to be vulnerable; to be able to say that I am not able or afraid without being seen as weak or be ridiculed. For the men around me to be open about their feelings and to show their loving tenderness not only in sexually intimate situations.
What challenges have you /do you feel you face as a working mum?
Being a full-time working mum in roles that are considered high level/senior management, I felt like I rarely had the time to do nothing at all. That to-do nothing meant that I was lazy and that in pursuit of career progression meant that I spent less fun quality time with my children. Now that I am a creative entrepreneur I still have to be disciplined and consistent but now I have control around how and where I spend my time.
Who is your biggest support?
My Sisterhood. I have such an amazing network of women around me. Like, truly amazing. Often, I think how blessed I am to have the friends that I do. I actually have a group of Sister Queens called the “100% Ah Crew- established in 1990” and we are still very close friends to this day. And I also have friends from my secondary school and we do a touch base link up every few months which is filled with raucous laughter and good vibes and I have my Sistren’s that I spend a lot of time with and speak/see them at least once a week. (Prior to what the world terms as lockdown)
What areas in life are you trying to overcome?
Trust. After my experience of being stalked, attacked and domestic abuse, I sometimes spend time second-guessing peoples motives if they are coming from a genuine place. This can be really challenging for me because there are really beautiful and amazing people in the world who care and who don’t do things just for an exchange of sorts.
Tell me about your business and what made you start AJ Amja Unabashedly?
AU - Amja Unabashedly is where art, love and inspiration empower people to reclaim their joy and freedom after experiencing domestic abuse and other trauma. After being stalked and attacked meters from my former place of employment and trying to navigate what I call the "Intangible Proof of Domestic Abuse", also known as contextualising the invisible, I was diagnosed with PTSD and literally my identity was stolen.
I had always wanted to start my own business so during my recovery I used the time to visualize and learnt the things I need to run a business.
What are your first memories of being introduced to art?
When I was about 7 years old, I would go to after school club and the lady who ran it, (can’t remember her name) always had us doing arts and craft. Often when my mum would pick me up I would moan because I wanted to stay longer, I also had an art teacher by the name of Miss Pack. She was very passionate about art. At that time there was a lot going on in my life so I would go into school early so that I could just to sit in the art room and chill because I found it peaceful but I never pursued art on a formal level.
What were the positives and what were the negatives?
At secondary school in the 80’s art wasn’t something that you pursued as a career choice which now when I think about it it’s kinda sad because there are so many great artists in the world who’s creative expression has helped peoples wellbeing.. The positives are that the skills learnt as an Executive Assistant and as a Senior Manager have really helped me to run my business.
Where did your journey into art begin?
On my journey to piecing myself back together, I was asked to be a part of an art project by Advance Charity and where Visual and Performance Artist Rachel Gadsden invited me to tell my story of the canvas, what became was my contemporary art piece "Perception" which tells a story of my vulnerability, pain, truth, survival, growth and how my creative expression manifested into healing, and how Perception manifested into the birthing of Amja Unabashedly.
While working on Perception I was given a voice to tell my story through the power of visual creative expression. Previously, my voice and words were being lost in semantic and gaslighting. My art gave me a safe space to speak, so to speak. When my work was at the gallery, I saw someone staring at my art, when they turned around, they were crying. Rachel then told me that many people had been staring at my art and seemed to be moved. My art piece was then used to raise awareness for domestic abuse and from there I have been working on raising awareness of domestic abuse while simultaneously sharing messages of hope and love and empowerment with a vision of supporting people impacted by domestic abuse to find their joy and courage to move from surviving to thriving, or simply to feel empowered to reclaim their joy and freedom.
You have spoken openly on Instagram about being a survivor of Domestic abuse, what did you tell yourself in order for you to have the strength to leave the abusive relationship?
If I stay here, I will die, either physically or in spirit. That feeling of soul destruction is the inspiration to the “Stand By Your Man” section of Perception which is a visual representation of what it means to be in an emotionally abusive relationship and how your soul slowly dies even if you are not being physically beaten but yet you are beaten every day.
Can you give some examples of red flags and how Gaslighting works that you feel will be beneficial for people to know?
I feel that we get a gut feeling or our intuition speaks to us. So its that feeling you get when someone does something that doesn’t sit well with you. Ensure you pay attention right away and don’t talk yourself out of what you feel. Gaslighting is when your voice, your opinion of how something feels are minimised or ridiculed for example when you tell your partner that you don’t like how they are speaking to you and they may say that you being too sensitive or you are blowing things out of proportion.
What lesson’s have you learnt over the years in relation to healthy relationships?
If something is odd and doesn’t sit well with you pay attention immediately. The biggest mistake people make in relationships is thinking that they can change someone. The reality is if you want to change someone, you don’t really like who they are so you are therefore not compatible. My feeling is you shouldn’t really be pursuing a life partnership with them.
What tools and strategies do you used to keep your body and mind healthy?
1) I make healthy food choices in line with my genetic make-up and culture and also have the sweet things I like in moderation.
2) I spend time with people that make me laugh and inspire me to grow personally and creatively.
3) I listen to audiobooks on mental health and personal development when out and about as well as none reference audio.
4) I connect with a friend a least once a day.
5) I meditate and do yoga at least 4 times a week (If I haven’t then I know something ain’t right).
6) I Wednesday Wind Down to Level Up on a Wednesday where my day isn’t so structured, I sometimes spend time in bed resting and watching a documentary or get my nails done or create.
What are your 10 Top Tips for busy Mum’s / Women?
1) Honour your self-care by taking 10mins every day to so something that makes you feel good that is not related to being on social media, shopping on or offline, drinking alcohol or other recreational drugs
2) Join a club or group such as a reading club so you can do something that doesn’t revolve around your children.
3) Create a playlist of music that makes you feel good. Preferably songs that have an uplifting vibe, not broken-hearted love songs and listen when on the go.
4) Download a wellbeing app like Calm which has wellbeing tips including those for children.
5) Write a list of things that you are grateful for, start with 3 things than add one more thing once a week.
6) Look in the mirror in the AM and PM and tell yourself how amazing you are for 1min and increase by a few seconds daily
7) Accept that you don’t know all the answers to all things so mistakes are not the end-all and be all. In fact, that can be good learning tools.
8) Drink a minimum of 1.5 litres of water a day
9) Switch of social media notifications, set a timer on when and how long you spend on social media
10) Carry healthy snack’s in your bag at all times, so that when you are busy you can fuel your body healthily and your children if they are with you
11) Look at something that makes you laugh really hard at least once a day
What support tools would you recommend ie book’s, social media accounts, YouTube, websites etc?
Social Media: Real Talk Therapist on Instagram and Twitter. Adding Colour and Intersectionality to Wellness. Dope Black Mums, a supportive space for mums.
What support tools would you recommend ie book’s, social media accounts, YouTube, websites etc?
YouTube: Yoga With Adriene, where yoga is more of a practice, not a sport and allows for fun and yogi’s choice of how far you want to go with a position.
Books: The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk is a fantastic on understanding the impact of trauma on the body. Women Who Run With Wolves, By Clariss Pinkola Estes reminds women of their divine power. Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes reminds women to be courageous and no longer play small even when being a mother.
Want to find out more? Follow Amja on their Social Media platform. #Letsdothis
